Blood and Destiny vs. Identity and Choice

Blut und Schicksal vs. Identität und Entscheidung

Short: I will offer a modern way of thinking about the term ‘family’, liberating and enabling you to shape your life and get exploited less.

You will have found that some words hold power, over us, our groups, and societies. “Invoking” them has real consequences for acess and distributions to ressources and opportunities. “Adults” are allowed to drink, “citizens” are allowed to vote, “the sick” are permitted to treatment. The discourse about what constitutes such a given term is then a discourse about power - hence I will call these words: “words of power”. ‘Family’ is another term that holds considerable power over us. Even though there are also a bunch of more concrete legal interpretations linked to the family concept, I’d argue most of its power over us is indirect and “moral”.

‘Family’ is one of those words, where you might initally think that there is no misunderstanding in what it means. This narrative towards only one common understanding of a words meaning, is quite common for words of power.

Interjection: In light of keeping this article short, I will only say that a self-decption about the truth and moral righteousness of a word of power might be the only stabilizing but sub-optimal solution available to some groups. However, its inability to differentiate and know its true reasons for existing, will inevitably fall short to the ever more frequent changes to the social frame and in doing so, will hurt more and more innocent social participants.

‘Family’ in an societal abstract sense seems to be viewed to signify a societal nucleus. Traditionally, this core concept quickly gets expanded with biological thoughts of parents and their children. Expanded with the parents’ parents and the parents’ siblings, and so on.

I am not of the oppinion, that this is necessarily “wrong". I am saying that this perception of the power word ‘family’ can (and does) impact people’s lives negatively. With the assignment to the family narrative, people can access power over one another. Sharing a family often means sharing responsibility and liability for the other. Sharing a family often represents opportunity and burden. Insofar as people profit from other’s resources, they might want to use a family narrative to get access to these ressources.

Plainly speaking, the most common example might well be the biological relatives, who want you to help them and argue for your moral obligation as a genetic family member. Or it might be you, arguing your parents should support you with their ressources (time, love, money, housing, etc.). And again, I am not of the oppinion, that this is necessarily “wrong”. I am saying that this perception of the power word ‘family’ can (and does) implact people’s lives negatively. You will have to share, or lose access to, ressources if you help your biological relatives. Your parents will have to cut back on many dreams, raising you. These interactions don’t HAVE to be toxic, but they CAN, and liberating you of these, and enabling you for more control, this is what a modern approach to the power word ‘family’ is inspired by.

Following a feminist approach within the discourse on the power word ‘family’, the ideas of kinship, love, and closeness, seemingly intrinsic to the family narrative, are applied more openly. Trying to open the blood bond family concept to its more ideological origin, this approach sees social actors building their families by choice instead of pre-set. As such one such modern family understanding would see genetical heritage as a chance for aquaintance and resulting friendship, love, and intimacy. But it sees friendship, love, and intimacy as the driving factors of your choice for a family bond. The power of this bond is then the motivator for help and sharing of ressources. This understanding of ‘family’ is inherently more dynamic and less reliable (which I believe to be the main motivator for opposition). But it is a humanist, feminist approach to a more mature outlook on life, as it offers you a ground to reject toxic and manipulative request, that you feel, cross boundaries.

I will not argue that either family concept is “right” or “wrong”, but in my mind this more modern understanding of ‘family’ is more usefull. How you think about it is ultimately up to you. But I gave you this idea, and now you can no longer say, that what a family is, is necessarily obvious, and it might not be up to others to decide.

Thanks for reading and stay beautiful!