NiceSpots - Unlosing Yourself In Society
Short: A short opinion-piece of an extrovert on fighting against losing yourself amongst many people, when living in a big city. Try to find the (small) NiceSpots with (the same) nice people.
One of my NiceSpots: The bakery/small store around the corner. Thanks Mischa for the nice and kind interactions.
Human connection is a frequent topic of mine. This is an unsurprising result of being a sociologist and an extrovert, but starting full time work and living in Germanys biggest city has exaserbated the topic for me.
And I don’t feel alone in this. When I travel Berlin talking with, or simply observing, people, I get this a lot: Living amongst 3.5 million people can be often be lonely. In essence, ordinary people living in Berlin might well feel the way extroverts might feel somewhere else already.
One of the biggest killers of human connection in Berlin - to me - seems to be the distances. Berlin is HUUGE. It is not filled with sky scrapers and - contrary to some opinions - does have a lot of parks, compared to other cities. The result is that Berlin tends to sparwl outward, and even the fantastic public transport can’t prevent that the rule of thumb for city wide travel gauges an hour (one-way).
Shown here: An extremly optimistic half-city trip, estimating at 45-55 minutes.
As a result people tend not to leave their neighbourhoods. When you are now living in one neighbourhood and work in another (as many Berliners do), you will lose along time commuting. Likely also, that your work colleagues are living in another part of town (likely also, that its further away from your neighbourhood than your place of work).
This is a problem that I likely hinted at in earlier essays, so here’s to the idea of this week:
NiceSpots
NiceSpots are locations at which you can (relatively) reably meet people that you like (NicePeople) and interact with them on a personal level. A level at which you can give these NicePeople recoginition and a feeling of respect for them, and also receive recognition and the feeling of being respected. Possible that these interactions are in some way transactional, like a favourite shop (in that case I recommend book shops, market stands, or bakeries - these things form habbits and if drinking alkohol is part of you NicePlace this can turn problematic). But at best these are non-economical locations - leaving out the feelings of bought respect or economical dependencies, shielding your wallet, and allowing for a more grass roots dynamic (like skate or parkour parks, basketball courts, or libraries).
Look for NiceSpots in and around your main hubs (mostly work/school/university and your home). One of my NiceSpots is the bakery close to where I live. I got there once shortly before closing to get some snack to reward me after a cycling tour - I asked if there were also leftovers that I could take of the owners hands before he’d have to throw anything out. He did have some and offered them for free, I gave him some change I had on me and we both felt nice about the interaction. Ever since I try to visit the shop before it closes and talk to the owner (Mischa) a bit about his live and tell something of mine. These 2-3 minute interactions mean so much to me and I can tell that he enjoys the interaction too.
The interational level should remain on the primary “act” (reading in libraries, playing on the court, buying food at the food stand) as a focus - to leave you and the others easy ways to enter or to leave the interaction. But be sure to be interested for the actors current feelings and what they might want to share. Also share some of your live and try to stay hopeful.
After a few interactions with the same NicePeople at NiceSpots you will have frequent short and energizing interactions that mean oh so much for us. In time there might be some friendships that come about. Until then, your surroundings will start to build an identity. You will feel more at home in the areas you spend your time in. You will discover small changes over different times (e.g. Mischa started to sell soups as it got colder and his spicy potatoe soup will change my cooking the next time I make potatoe soup myself). You will unlose yourself in society - little by little.
Thanks for reading. Stay beautiful <3
Mach es besonders
Was auch immer es ist – die Art und Weise, wie du deine Geschichte online vermittelst, kann einen gewaltigen Unterschied ausmachen.
